


held on as tighly as you held on to me

by tokiwas



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood and Injury, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-13 22:44:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14122425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tokiwas/pseuds/tokiwas
Summary: Originally posted in the Pacific Kink Meme way back in 2013.Prompt: "Chuck survives (Stacker too, if you want). He's severely wounded and hurting and though he knows he's too old for it, he really just wants his dad. Herc makes up for all ALL THE HUGS they didn't manage to give each other before."





	held on as tighly as you held on to me

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from "To Build A Home" by The Cinematic Orchestra

They don’t hear any blast when the payload detonates.  
  
Their minds are filled with jumbled up thoughts, the fear of dying making memories flow fast and plentiful. They hear each other’s mind, thoughts sent towards people who will never hear them, and so much fear, so much love.  
  
They only hear each other’s thoughts, and then a silence so loud it wipes out everything they know.  
  
(But one thing Chuck Hansen doesn’t know, in the flurry of flowing memories and scattered thoughts of fear and love, is that Stacker Pentecost ejects both of them out of the Conn-Pod just before the silence.)  
  
**  
  
Afterlife is painful. It is fire on his skin and it is the agony of broken bones, open wounds, damaged organs.  
  
Afterlife is cold. It is wet and he is soaked, in blood and water and more blood. It is cold and freezing and he is shivering.  
  
Afterlife is pitch black and dead quiet and he cannot see anything, cannot cry out to anyone or anything for help.  
  
Afterlife smells of burnt skin and ruined flesh and blood.  
  
It is probably hell. Chuck Hansen thinks it is a fitting punishment.  
  
(But he feels the burn of air in his lungs, and he wonders why hell is offering him the painful luxury of breathing)  
  
**  
  
Two escape pods wash up on the China shore a few days after the breach is closed. The fishermen who find them are baffled to find unmoving rangers in there, badly burnt and bleeding heavily, the escape pod stinking of burnt flesh, melted suits and blood.  
  
Police and hospital staff cannot identify them as they are without dog tags. But the escape pods seem to be from a Mark V Jaeger, and police say that it is very likely that they are the pilots of the Mark V Jaeger Striker Eureka, which blew up during Operation Pitfall.  
  
They decide to not jump to conclusions first. The men are inches away from death and surgery and treatment will have to come first, not identification. Reports to the PPDC will have to wait until they can identify the rangers.  
  
**  
  
Rumours fly around the Hong Kong Shatterdome. They say Stacker Pentecost and Chuck Hansen are found alive. But none of it is believed to be true. Everyone in the Shatterdome chooses to move forward instead of clinging on to false hopes of the past. The war is over and there is work to do, there is no time to confirm gossip from the locals.  
  
Mako Mori doesn’t believe. But whenever she hears even a whisper of any of those rumours she stops, blinks back her tears, hates herself for wanting to believe.  
  
Raleigh Becket does not believe. He has been through this before. He used to see his brother in the shapes of other people, and he won’t go through that ordeal ever again.  
  
Tendo Choi does not believe. But he admits to Allison one night that he has prayed for those rumours to be true.  
  
Hercules Hansen does not believe. Does not even want to believe. Rumours of ghosts are pointless when real ghosts are already haunting him in his sleep.  
  
**  
  
Stacker Pentecost wakes up five days after he is found.  
  
He is surprised to be alive.  
  
Even though he had ejected the escape pods, he had never expected to make it. He had expected to succumb to the radiation from the nuclear blast.  
  
He feels ashamed for pulling such a cowardly move, for making a desperate attempt to escape, despite the low possibility of them making it out alive. He might as well have died a ranger’s death in that Conn-Pod with such low stakes of survival. But when he had looked at the frightened yet determined face of Chuck Hansen who looked so much like his father, when he had heard Mako’s “Sensei aishiteimasu”, he knew he had to get the both of them out of there.  
  
Stacker can feel burning pain from his injuries despite the morphine, but he does not say anything. He is used to controlling feelings of pain and sickness, thanks to the countless amounts of treatment he has been undergoing for his cancer.  
  
The doctors come in with policemen and they question him. They ask him whether he really is Stacker Pentecost, they ask him to prove his identification. They also ask him about the ranger they found him with, whether that ranger is Chuck Hansen. Stacker gives all the necessary information they need, and the police leave to make a report to the PPDC.  
  
Once the door closes, the doctors fuss over him. Stacker asks them about Chuck Hansen. Did he survive? Is he awake? The doctors admit that Chuck has woken but he is too shaken for the authorities to question him.  
  
**  
  
Chuck Hansen had woken up three days before Stacker did, but he does not endure his pain in the same calm way as Stacker Pentecost does. Pain keeps him awake at night and he can barely keep food down. The doctors are surprised at Chuck’s condition, they believe that he’s badly affected psychologically as well as physically, but Chuck refuses tell anyone anything. He keeps his pain to himself. He doesn’t call for help and he just suffers on his own. The doctors can’t really do much, Chuck won’t tell them anything.  
  
Chuck doesn’t know anything either, really.  
  
He can still remember the cold dark place he thought was the afterlife. He can still smell his burnt skin and ruined flesh, he can still remember the cold wetness of his blood and sea water. He thought he was dead, but now he’s alive, and he doesn’t know why he’s so scared but he is. He’s scared to sleep because he’ll dream of dying and he’s even more scared of dying in his sleep, but pain doesn’t let him sleep anyway. His injuries hurt but he doesn’t dare call out, sometimes he feels like he’s back in that cold dark place and there’s no one to call out to.  
  
During the night when he is wracked in agony he hides in the sheets and cries, cries because he doesn’t know whether he’s happy to be alive or sad that he’s not with mum, cries because he’s scared and he doesn’t know what he’s scared of, cries because it hurts and the person he wants most is someone he pushed away a long time ago.  
  
**  
  
Stacker Pentecost spends his first conscious night in pain.  
  
He does not cry out or ask for assistance. He controls his breathing, tells himself to calm down, does all those things he did during chemotherapy, radiation treatment. It does not help the pain but it keeps his head clear.  
  
But as the night wears on and the pain worsens his walls crumble and he desperately surrounds himself in memories to keep himself from losing control. He recalls mostly memories of Mako. Learning her culture. Teaching her about fighting. Visiting Tamsin in the hospital. Stacker remembers how Mako and Tamsin once fell asleep at the same time during a night visit to the hospital, their hands clasped together after a long talk.  
  
Memories of Mako causes a lump to form in Stacker’s throat. He wants to see his brave little girl again.  
  
He knows it’s selfish. But Stacker also knows that he doesn’t have much time left and he needs to spend whatever last moments he has with the person he loves most in the world.  
  
He calls for assistance, and when the nurse comes to ask what he needs, he asks her to place a call to the Hong Kong Shatterdome, to ask for Mako Mori.  
  
**  
  
Chuck Hansen sleeps for the first time in three days, and he dreams of dying.  
  
He dreams of flipping switches, he dreams of Stacker’s heartbroken face, he dreams of saying the word father for the first time in a long time. He dreams of Stacker’s memories, he dreams of his own memories, he dreams of being afraid but at the same time knowing that this was the only way, if you have the shot then you take it. He dreams of his own thoughts while Stacker was about to flip the last switch, I love you dad I love you dad I love you dad, he dreams of the deafening silence that came after and it jolts him awake.  
  
He wakes with a scream and the pain of his injuries shoot through him. His heart pounds so quickly that he can barely breathe, his throat is tight and his breaths are gasps, short and sharp and fast.  
  
The memory of dying brings tears to his eyes, and he starts crying. It’s pathetic. So pathetic. He’s alive and he saved the world, why is he scared? Why is he scared at just the thought of dying when he didn’t even flinch at the thought of blowing up when Pentecost suggested to clear a path? He feels stupid and scared and afraid and alone, and he just can’t stop crying.  
  
A doctor comes in to check on him and is surprised to find him awake. He asks if something is wrong and all Chuck can do is cry, cry and tell the doctor that he wants the person he’s pushed away too many times, the person he never had, the person he was too afraid to admit he’s always needed. He doesn’t care how childish he sounds anymore.  
  
**  
  
Hercules Hansen and Tendo Choi leave the conference room shaken by the meeting they had earlier. The PPDC had received a report that Stacker Pentecost and Chuck Hansen were found five days ago and they had both just been identified. The more startling news was that both of them were found alive, and the both of them were still alive.  
  
The whole Shatterdome is shocked by the news, but shock turns to relief and relief turns to happiness. Shouts and cheers and promises of another celebration go up in the air. Everyone is relieved and happy that two of their heroes, two of the people who helped save the world, are still alive.  
  
While the Shatterdome celebrates, once in the safety of his office, Herc allows his guards to fall, and only Tendo and Max are there to see.  
  
He drops to the ground. Wraps his good arm around his dog. Buries his face in the warm fur and stays there, not moving. Tendo puts a hand on Herc’s shoulder, not saying anything, but he smiles, because Chuck and Stacker are alive. The prayer Tendo had made in his moment of weakness, it had been answered.  
  
A worker suddenly bursts in, followed by Raleigh and Mako. Herc looks up from the dog, all composed and just like a Marshall again. Tendo notices tear tracks on Mako’s face, but before he can ask what’s the problem, the worker says that a nurse from the hospital just called, Stacker and Chuck were asking for Mako and the Marshall.  
  
Tendo takes Max’s leash from Herc before he can even ask.  
  
**  
  
Mako Mori walks as quickly as possible to Stacker’s ward with Raleigh close behind her, heart pounding loudly. The news that her sensei was alive was almost too good to be true, and at first she thought it was all a prank, a sick joke, but it was Marshall Hansen’s voice speaking and the Marshall would never play such a horrible joke on them. Not after all he had lost.  
  
She was even more shaken when a Shatterdome worker had told her that the hospital called and the Marshall – no, Mr. Pentecost – was asking for her. Was sensei alright? Mako is frightened, this reminds her of the day when Tamsin had suffered complications and she went to visit alongside sensei. It was scary at first, but Tamsin had pulled through. Mako in her relief had slept at Tamsin’s bedside, hands clasped together.  
  
Now Mako visits her sensei with Raleigh, hoping and praying that he is alright.  
  
When a nurse opens the door, she feels like she is thirteen again.  
Her sensei is bedridden and covered in bandages and connected to so many beeping machines, but he is  _alive_ , he is alive and his eyes are fixed on her.  
  
Raleigh squeezes her shoulder, a sign that she should go, her sensei is waiting.  
  
Mako says the word ‘sensei’ and after that there is nothing left to be said, she cries and runs towards him and grasps his hands, she sobs into their interlaced fingers because sensei is alive, the family that she had found when she had lost everything hadn’t left her after all. Sensei is alive, her father figure, the man who taught her all she knew, the man that saved her, the man who she loved so much, is alive.  
  
Raleigh watches over them, a calm, smiling figure waiting as Stacker and Mako, sensei and daughter, reunite.  
  
**  
  
When the doctors open the door to his son’s ward Hercules Hansen feels like his heart has stopped.

His son is alive.

Chuck looks thin and worn, wires and machines all around him, arms covered in bandages, and there is a scared, pained look in his eyes when they meet Herc’s own, but it doesn’t matter because Chuck is  _alive_.

Chuck tries to speak but it comes out as a sob, and Herc runs to his boy, holds him tight with his one good arm, trying to calm the both of them down as they both cry, unable to tell whose tears are whose, they’re crying in relief and sadness and happiness and god knows what else but they’re just crying, Chuck is alive and everything seems okay again. He hushes his son, pulls him into a hug that he should have given a long time ago, says  _I’m sorry_  and  _I love you_  and  _my son my baby boy you did good I’m so proud of you you’re okay I love you_.

They stay like this for a long time, and Herc feels like he’ll never let go of his boy, they’ve pushed each other away for too long now and that’s not going to happen anymore. No more fear and hate and self-loathing and anger would pull them apart anymore. He’s got a chance to make things right now, and he’ll do just that, he’ll take care of his boy, he’ll won’t let anything hurt him, he’ll keep him safe, he’ll be the dad he’s never been. Chuck is crying uncontrollably, fingers clutching at Herc’s uniform (Herc didn’t even bother to change before heading to the hospital) like he’s drowning and Herc is the only thing that can keep him afloat. Herc presses comforting fingers against the back of Chuck’s head, keeps him close in his one-armed hug, lets the boy cry into his chest while he lets out his own tears and silently thanks whatever gods are out there because they gave him his son back. 

Five days he had grieved alone. Five days he had cried himself to sleep with his face in Max’s fur, five days he had been haunted by dreams of Stacker and Chuck blowing up the payload, five days he had felt the awful loneliness of losing everything, five days he had felt all of his regrets weighing down on him, building up and threatening to break him at any minute. Five days he was left to live in a peaceful world without anything to live for. The longest five days of his life.

But those five days are over, and Chuck is alive. And Herc doesn’t need to soldier on anymore. He can finally, really,  _live_.

**

Through his tears, wrapped in his father’s embrace, Chuck feels a sort of peace that he hasn’t felt in a long time.

He doesn’t really care though. All he knows is that his dad is here, his dad is here for him, and he doesn’t care about anything else.

Herc clambers into the bed with him and Chuck doesn’t care if he looks like a baby, he doesn’t care anymore. He rests his head against his father’s chest and curls up into his father’s one-armed hug, listening to his heart beat, the contrast between his dad’s slow thudding heart and the quick drumming of his own heart. Herc’s arm tightens around him, and his injuries throb in protest. Chuck whimpers in pain and his dad shushes him, whispers comforting words into his hair,  _it’s okay, you’re okay, I'm here, I love you, you’re okay_.

In the almost-silence, just listening to the machines beeping, the soft sound of his dad's voice, and both of their hearts beating, feeling the warmth and love of his father's hug, Chuck calms down, his heartbeat slows until it beats in time to his dad’s heartbeat, synchronised just like during the drift. He’s still hurting, he’s still scared, but his dad is here, and he’s not alone anymore. The hospital doesn’t feel like that cold dark place anymore, he’s in his father’s arms and he’s alive and safe. And that makes it okay. He’s okay, for now.

His dad presses a gentle kiss to the top of his forehead, hums a familiar tune under his breath, and Chuck can’t remember what song it is, but it doesn’t really matter, his dad's voice is calming and comforting, and he finally falls into a dreamless sleep, safe in his father's embrace with singing in his ears.


End file.
